Jax's Amazing Tips on How to Write. Or How Not To....
Apparently when the newly formed Oxford Writers' House says, 'Just as we want to push boundaries with content, we hope our writers will feel inspired to push the boundaries of literary form. Be experimental!', this doesn't apply to my wondrous words.
Luckily, however, there is the amazing thing that is my very own website, plus the joy of Facebook! So here you are: my words of wisdom. To be read in Nanowrimo - National Novel Writing Month. Is that in November?
Jax’s Tips on How to Write
Writing is hard. So I thought, during this wonderfully frenetic writing month, I’d collect together a few random memories that might be of use. Memories and comments.
My first comment is that a lot of what makes writing harder is what can be called (if you wish to) random frogspawn that is loaded onto the actual thing of writing itself: expectations, rules, regulations.
My first memory, triggered by this, is of this guy who I loved at the time but now very much hate. (Jason – a fake name, but it’ll do.) I think, actually, at the time I was moving into the state of hatred, so when he told me he was going to do a journalism masters as he was getting nowhere with his creative writing I may have been a bit scornful. I apologise to journalists around the world…including myself…. But what I said to him was that to me if you wanted something close to writing, you should not do journalism, because while for me writing was like (ridiculous metaphor alert!) being a wild horse running free across the plains, journalism was like taking that horse, hobbling it – putting chains around its legs, that is – and telling it to trot. And only trot. And only in that direction. The point of this rather rambling tale is that writing, for me at least, is about freedom.
So now I will give you my very wonderful answers to some questions you might be asking yourself right now. (In the form of memories and wisdom.)
WHAT SHOULD I WRITE?
Whatever you want.
People say that you need to have an audience that finds your work interesting. Yes, this is probably true. Particularly if you want to sell lots of books. But if you are interested in what you’re writing about, then that’s at least one person who wants to read the book. And unless you’re exceedingly odd, there are probably a few more readers out there too.
I remember being asked something like this when I was doing a creative writing lesson for some A-level writing students. I’d had to get up super-early to get the bus into somewhere in the middle of nowhere in Norfolk, and on the way the sole of my left boot (a nice tan little beast with Mexican-style embroidery) had started to come off. As the flapping was very annoying I stopped off at the BBC – one of my places of work – and Tiger and I tried to fix my shoe. Sadly the shoe was wet, so we couldn’t subtly stick the gaffa tape between the sole and the shoe. No, we had to wrap it around. So my tan boot had a black beak.
So anyway, I was sitting on the desk, in front of the students, with my beaked shoe, and they were asking me questions. One of these was where I got ideas from. I think I said that science – inventions, ethical issues and all that – could be particularly good. And I may have said something about living being useful. Living an interesting life that is. And that’s what my professor at UEA said when I was doing my undergrad – he said they usually preferred mature students on the creative writing MA, because otherwise you just got millions of books about getting drunk and having an essay due. What I didn’t say, because it sounds a bit weird, and also sort of invalidates all of my good deeds, was that I collect people. I’ve volunteered with old people, taught all ages, and volunteered with criminals, people who’ve been unemployed for a long time, people with disabilities and learning disabilities…. It helps. Or, at least, it’s helped me. Also talking to people. I currently have a notebook that’s got interesting things people have said to me. (Everyone who knows me is now currently racking their brains to see if they might appear in the little yellow notebook. Well, you have now been warned – never say anything interesting to me!)
That’s the other thing I’d say in terms of what to write about: show no fear. I’m sure it’s been said many a time. But I have traumatised many a friend and family member of mine by asking them to read stories about pimps, drug dealers, sex machines, crucifying someone by shoving two poles through their body…. If it needs to happen in the story, then make it happen. Don't be embarrassed to show people, and don't stop until you're way over the 'cliff of decency' and falling right down into the canyon.
(NB Unlike Sheldon – from The Big Bang Theory – I haven’t been tested. But I’m pretty sure I’m sane.)
HOW SHOULD I WRITE?
I remember talking to my friend once, who we will call Carol. She was worrying about something writerly - I can’t really remember what, except that in a couple of minutes of talking she said the word ‘should’ about ten times. At least. Ok, that might be exaggeration, but hyperbole should always be used in writing.
SAY NO TO ‘SHOULDS’.
‘Should’ it? Who knows. If anyone tells you what you should do, as a writer, tell them to frog off. As I said, in my metaphor about the horse that either runs free or is forced to write dull paragraphs containing who, what, why, when, where and how, that’s not what writing is about. Not for me, anyway – it’s possible you should ignore all my advice and instead should go to all the creative writing classes and hear what you should do. Particularly if you want to do a variation on a theme – the theme being ‘this is what we already know is good’. However my view is this: if in doubt, I say think of Star Trek: boldly go where no-one has gone before.
Of course people do like what they already know. Or most people do. (I apologise for generalising about people. But sometimes it helps me form a theory.) A group of memories related to this: people have recently been spending a lot of time telling me, whenever I whinge to them about my latest no from an agent or publisher, that I should write more marketably. Particularly my dad. I managed to reassure him recently, by telling him not to worry, I wasn’t expecting to be able to live off my book sales. I’ll never be part of that very select club. I told him I knew I would still have to have my many jobs. I’m not expecting to become a bestseller Dad, don’t worry! He breathed a sigh of relief, and went to make me a cup of tea, and I revelled inwardly in my secret plan, which is to become a multi-billionaire by writing the kind of books that are studied in literature degrees at universities, win a few Nobel prizes, and also an Oscar, which they will create specially for me, for ‘Best Book’, because I can’t be bothered to write an actual script.
Anyway, after being told to write more marketably by at least five people, I had a mini crisis of faith, and so messaged my friend Goran, who is Serbian, and an actual published writer! He said I should tell them all to frog off. (Well, he didn’t exactly say that, but that’s the gist.)
And that’s another tip: COLLECT PEOPLE WHO LIKE WHAT YOU DO. They’re useful for all those I’m never going to write again moments. Admittedly I also have a deep desire to be Simon Cowelled. Not in any dodgy way, but in a ‘having someone who tells the TRUTH, and isn’t a friend or family, tell me I’m good’ way. Or that I sing worse than cats. But collect the people who like your work, too.
Criticism is definitely very useful, but it’s not always right. So don’t let it get to you too much. When I receive feedback (negative feedback), what I always do is first fly into a deep inward rage where I hiss angrily and run around scratching people’s eyes out while outwardly smiling and saying thank you. Then I think about what’s been said, possibly collect a few other opinions, then I decide what to do. Ultimately I will always be the one who decides whether to listen to the advice or not. I always value my opinion the most because that way I will have written what I wanted to write. This is also what Goran said to me – you have to be true to yourself. Or I do, anyway. It depends what kind of a writer you are. Don’t feel bad if you want to write something marketable that will bring joy to millions of people.
WHERE SHOULD I WRITE?
A few years ago I was helping my friend Rob with some film project in a primary school. During the session one of the students stood up, trotted over to a corner of the classroom, took out a book, wrote a few words, then came back and sat down. Apparently they have this ‘writing corner’ in this school, and encourage creativity. I thought this was fantastic. My mum said to me, once, that when I was in primary school, my teacher took my mum to one side one day, and said she was worried about me because I kept going into the Wendy house on my own and sitting and making up stories. Luckily for me and for the rest of the world, my mum decided that this wasn’t actually a problem, and not to section me. Thanks Mum!
I like to write in cafes and on trains. Generally I’m an exhibitionist writer, so the more public the better. I love being able to sit smugly somewhere with a cup of tea going ‘Check me out, I’m a writer.’ I’m sure all those walking past are thinking, ‘Wow, a writer!’ (Everybody wants to be a writer. This is a scientific fact.) But in general, fairly obviously, wherever floats your boat.
WHEN SHOULD I WRITE?
Apparently the true writer just HAS to write. I’ve heard this many a time and generally end up feeling either depressed or rebellious because it's one of the last things I do. Or it was until Emma pointed out that if I wanted to be a writer I needed to write something. It's still hard to make myself sit down and type though. I tell myself that although I don’t write them down, the soap operas I create in my brain as I walk to work, while I’m at work, when I should be conversing with real human beings…well that’s constant story-creating, if not constant writing it down…. But otherwise I just think those people should frog off. Why does Nanowrimo exist? Why do so many authors contribute to collections about WHEN they write – how they’ve trained themselves and formed a habit (through lots of self-castigation, liberal application of the mind-whip) where they can only write in silk pyjamas accompanied by a banana milkshake on their right hand side which they drink through a straw – if making yourself write isn’t a problem for a lot of people? I’m pretty sure that the number of people who ‘just have to write’, and it’s all they can do to tear their hands away from the keyboards, is far smaller than the number of actual writers in this world.
So. When to write? Obviously the answer to this is whenever. Although two nights ago I decided to start a new soap opera in my head. (I was bored of all of the current ones.) I decided, for those who are interested, to go with the Pride and Prejudice/Emma setting, and a male protagonist who was epileptic. Will he find love?!? Probably, yes. But there will be many obstacles. Sadly I decided to do this at 12.30 am. Two hours later I was well into the story, but not asleep. I then started thinking about my Gothic-Western cross about a vampire typewriter…sort of. There’s no way of summarising that story without it sounding ridiculous. Anyway, after several pages of notes, and a few text messages to myself with ideas, it was 5am. So maybe don’t start writing at 12.30am. Not if you have to work at 9 the next day anyway. (Don't worry, I didn't.)
WHY SHOULD I WRITE?
We were in our first American Literature with Creative Writing seminar – the first one ever, as it was a new course. This first half we had the wonder of Louis de Bernieres as a seminar teacher. I seemed to be the only person who had actually applied to do American Literature with Creative Writing. Everyone else had applied for the English Literature version.
Louis asked us why we wanted to do the course. One person said because UEA looked like some kind of castle. I said that I thought writing was really important, because it helps people to be happy, and I wanted to add to that.
Anyhow, enough of my ramblings. I will now frog off.
(Ribbet.)
P.S. I may have given the impression in this article that I am a journalist. I am not a journalist. My apologies for lying.
Coming up: Wymondham Lemon Day, Sat 2nd November
Wymondham Lemon Day 2013 is Saturday 2nd November. See the posters below :)
These things have happened....
Windmill House Care Home, Wymondham - Beach Hut Project
I painted a big beach picture, and also got some stories from some of the residents, for this project: http://www.edp24.co.uk/news/health/beach_hut_unveiled_at_wymondham_care_home_1_1391080
(The picture is part of my design.)
Stories of the Coronation: 2 Memories and Writing Workshops
They're happening at Wymondham Library thanks to Norfolk County Council Adult Education and Norfolk Library Services.
(Oh, and I'm the workshop leader. Should be fun, so if you have any parents/grandparents, or are of a suitable age yourself, come along. It's free!)
My next appearance at the Headcrash Birdcage Open Mic Evenings is...
Wednesday 21st March. (It starts at about 7pm and is in Norwich.)